Secret Diary of Peter Oppenheimer

Life is a buffet

Monday, August 21, 2006

Spurlock is a wuss

Today I decided to do something different with my workout and went to McDonald's for the #6 (quarter pounder with cheese). I had been going to Burger King and Wendy's but decided to shake things up a bit. I went to the counter to order and automatically asked to have the Super Size. The mexican taking my order just stared blankly at me. I figured it was a language thing so I restated it as Mucho Size-O por favor. She informed me, in quite excellent english I might add, that they no longer had that option. I'm no idiot (I'm the CFO of apple for Pete's sake) so I decided to make my own Super Size by purchasing an extra order of fries. In your face mexican cashier! While I was waiting for my order to be filled, it finally dawned on me who was to blame for this unfortunate removal of the Super Size option - that bastard Morgan Spurlock, the guy who ate only at McDonalds for a whole month and made a movie out of it. I rented it on the way home and watched it last night. The official Oppenheimer review is that...Morgan Spurlock is a wuss.

I could not believe my eyes. While attempting to eat his first Super Sized meal he actually could not handle it and threw up out of his van window. It was friggin hilarious. I could eat one of those things in my sleep! What would make me hurl is one of those Asian Salads they serve at McDonald's. Mandarin oranges in a salad? I just had to swallow my own vomit thinking about it. During his thirty day ordeal the poor wuss also got depressed and developed a low sex drive. You want to know the real reason for his depression and low sex drive? He's married to some unshorn, vegan chef. If I had to wake up next to that every morning I would be depressed too. Lastly his poor liver got a boo boo while he was on the diet. It was no surprise to me, you have to work up to these things. You just can't go out and start Super Sizing willy nilly. I have been training for about 4 years now and my trainer, Michael Moore, says I am only fit enough for twice daily fast food.

What a wuss, ruined my training. I've survived worse though...that two hour meeting with Gil Amelio was much worse. Much much worse. I'll have to tell you about it sometime.

Talley Ho!


P.S. I have to give a presentation to the board tomorrow. I'll let you know how it goes.


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