Secret Diary of Peter Oppenheimer

Life is a buffet

Friday, August 18, 2006

Welcome to my new Blog

I have noticed all of the attention that Steve has been getting for his blog lately and decided that it was time to start my own. Of course my own blog will feature more of the financial side of Apple which hopefully will be more engaging and less drug ridden as Steve's.

Don't get the wrong impression from this early attempt. I love Steve, he saved this company for Pete's sake (but not for my own sake...or my own sake (the Japanese rice beverage)). He invented the frigging iPod, have you heard of it? (believe me, I have...again and again). Anyhoo, the only thing that gets between Steve and me is beef. Juicy, succulent beef. Frankly, I think about it all the time. I was thinking of a nice Porterhouse when they took this picture of me.

I had lunch with Steve just the other day in the Apple cafeteria. I had my usual juicy all beef cheseburger and Steve was choking down something that for all I know was newborn baby crap smeared over a pita. He kept going on and on about the stock options fiasco and how this was all Fred Anderson's fault and then outlined what I needed to do to help him out. He was getting pretty excited by this point and the baby poo pita he was chewing on started crumbling and little bits began to fall out of the corner of his mouth. I could not take it anymore and yelled, "STEVE." He blinked and swallowed his pita. By this point half the peole around us were staring at us. I held up my cheeseburger and said, "One bite. Tell me its not good." He put his fingertips together and began the patented Jobs Stare down, which by the way I am immune to, it was part of the job qualifications for the CFO. At that point I silently farted, stuffed the rest of the cheeseburger in my mouth and got up to leave. Steve just sat there like he was trying to gain control over my mind. I farted again and left.

That basically sums up my relationship with Steve. He never listens and I like beef.

Tally Ho!



At 6:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

NSU - 4efer, 5210 - rulez


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